Mojave and God Emperor of the Mojave
by gaj620
Summary: I really wanted to write a New Vegas and Dune crossover. Rated M for language and adult themes, no explicit text. Also P for parody loootsss of parody.
1. MOJAVE

Posted the prompt for a Fallout/Dune Crossover in the fallout kink meme and was also inspired to fill it.* Edited it for grammar, changed some lines and moved personal commentary to the references (i) for your pleasure. Also thank you to anon for giving me the best name for a protagonist.

MOJAVE

Of course, after the three way battle of Hoover Dam, Mol'Rat(ii) showed the Kaiser's Sardaukar and the combined strength of the Great Houses of New Vegas, bolstered by the other Great Houses from other states, why the name Mol'Rat was screamed into battle by his fanatical freemen coughandfreewomencough.(iii)

First, winning the psychological battle by detonating a nuclear warhead hidden in the Dam, becoming the first nuclear armed conflict after the last one that ended the world. The cries of despair that rang after the explosion were overwhelmed by the shouts of fury and joy from Mol'Rat's followers. Showing those who witnessed it the resolve and ruthlessness of Mol'Rat and his freeme- you know what it's now FREEPEOPLE.(iv)

Second, through unknown means, gaining control of the Securitron Army in New Vegas and one hidden right in the main Sardaukar camp. The Securitrons at that time did not have independent thought and while powerful could be taken down with an organized army. Mol'Rat(v) once again employed taboo weaponry in the form of A.I., giving the Securitrons the mind of a curiously apologetic death machine as it rendered people from the water in their bodies with heavy weaponry.(vi)

Third and lastly, just as the battle reached its fevered pitch the Great Houses and the Sardaukar formed a temporary alliance and fought back to back using the remains of the dam as covervii, heedless of the radiation dooming any and all survivors to a slow and painful death. An unearthly howl could be heard from upstream which was curiously drying up. Out of the sandstorm that almost miraculously formed upstream in the wake of the nuclear explosion, came Mol'Rats greatest weapon of all: SAND WORMS, riding these deadly behemoths which were impervious to any weaponry the enemy possessed were the greatest warriors in Mol'Rats disposal, the men and women of the Brotherhood of Steel and the Enclave, squabbling warrior tribes recently united by Mol'Rat. And the super mutants, who were also having internal problems. Mol'Rat solved this as any FREEPEOPLE would.(viii) As for the great man/woman himself/herself, Mol'Rat rode the leading sandworm into battle protected in power armor waving his/her crysknife screaming like a vengeful God/Goddess.(ix)

After the battle, Mol'Rat generously treated his follower's wounds and radiation poisoning from supplies it was said, gathered by Mol'Rat himself/herself. To the enemy wounded, this was also the treatment that they received, if only to purify the water in them before it is taken from them along with their life.

To the Kaiser, the demand was simple, step down and you will have an estate to call your own or Mol'Rat will put you in a death-still(x) and drink your water and use your skin for his battle drums. The offer was of course accepted with indecent haste, with Mol'Rat assuming the title of Kaiser and appointing a Sardaukar officer named Lanius as his representative in day to day operations within the legions.(xi)

To the Great Houses, he gave a similar choice, but Benny the most senior member of the leading house who survived the battle challenged Mol'Rat to a gladiator match, which Mol'Rat duly accepted despite protestations from a strange woman wearing potato sack, who fought unarmed yet slew all that opposed her while making quips about her "Avatar".(xii)

The fight lasted long with Benny proving a surprising match to Mol'Rat, until finally when exhaustion took them both, they grappled each other in desperation to end the fight, tumbling down with Benny coming out on top, he whispered so that only Mol'Rat would hear.

"Ringa Ding Baby! See the needle in my belt, it will be your death fool."

Mol'Rat, characteristically in response, head butted Benny and without a word and using this as a distraction, liberated copious amounts of water from his/her foe. Standing and watching as this perfectly good source of water was being wasted, Mol'Rat said: "A feint within a feint within a feint baby! This so called Baron House of Harkonenn, who did not even deign to fight me, instead hides and sent this creature is next, he is inside the Strip which is mine and the FREEPEOPLE's. As is the Mojave" And the world we knew was changed forever. The End.(xiii)

References:

* I know shame on me, I should have waited but it just poured out.

i Terry Pratchett style!

ii lolz anon you got me

iii Who threw bombs at the enemy, sometimes babies and sometimes bombs strapped on to babies.

iv Herbert is sexist, there I said it. Joke

v I cannot stop using this, it's too lulzy not to.

vi Yes, I gave every robot a Yesman ai.

vii THE GREAT MOL'RAT WAS WISE ENOUGH TO ONLY USE A SMALL "TACTICAL" NUCLEAR WEAPON TO PRESERVE THE DAM FOR FUTURE REPAIR AND USE.

viii Murdering every challenger in one on one combat and drinking their water while they still lived.

ix Being gender inclusive is hard to type BTW.

x I know I know canon says only dead people get put into death stills but it's one of the things that got changed in this crossover.

xi Of course to his followers, he/she is still Mol'Rat teacher of boys (and girls!).

xii A cookie and nerd points for anyone who can guess the source.

xiii Oh gods, I can't beleive I filled my own prompt, sorry kink meme, it just came gushing out.(lol) I'll try to be patient and last longer next time. (double lol)


	2. MOJAVE EPILOGUE

Epilogue: I saw that this was listed under slash and was inspired to write more.

Mol'Rat stood atop the devestated structure that was Hoover Dam and surveyed the carnage that was wrought in his name, his thoughts then traveled back to the past to see where it could have gone differently. Could he have ascended to power better? Certainly, but there were worse paths to have taken. Dying would have spurned the FREEPEOPLE to spread out across the entire north continent in a wild and destructive jihad in his name. By choosing this, he hoped that he could control or at least lessen the genocidal crusade that was to come.

His thoughts then turned to his one time companion/mentor/friend/fuckbuddy Vulpes Idaho, lost to the earlier days when he had not yet taken up the mantle of Mol'Rat of the FREEPEOPLE. He had seen a future where Vulpes had lived and had stood with him at this very moment, but he had seen what was to come. Vulpes was forever the rebel, unrepentantly fighting against any authority, due to his loyalty and love born for Mol'Rat, it would have taken years, decades even but in the end, he would have raised the banner of rebellion. Thusly, Vulpes died defending Mol'Rat and his other companions from a Sardaukar ambush, buying time for them to escape.(i)

Speaking of companions, in his reverie of what took place and what was to come, he did not notice Veronica a Bene Gesseritt, a good friend, a companion, a lover and his mother.(ii) She laid a hand on his shoulder and he turned to look at her, she was unusually somber as she spoke: "Will we ever have peace, Lulz?" Lulz was Mol'Rat's FREEPEOPLE's name for those close to him.

He replied: "We will have victory, that is enough, i think, probably, maybe, i don't know."(iii)

After this, Mol'Rat and Veronica announced their impending marriage, partly due to the desire of making more people who could see the future through a combination of drugs and sex. Also, the fact that of all the people, Veronica was one of the few who did not show up in his visions.(iv) Which of course made their baby making sex marathons a lot more fun, especially when blind folds were involved as for once Mol'Rat was truly blind, even if it's just inside their bedroom/sex room, he liked that feeling.(v)

Rambling End Note:  
>Oh my gods, I did it again, I can't stop, someone write Mojave, Mojave Messiah, Children of Mojave and God Emperor of Mojave before I try to. I know Veronica's gay but she's Bene Gesseritt, she understands the need of producing the KWASUHIFEGEA HEDRACH- or something I could never get the name right. Also, if Kaiser can be faux-romans, Mol'Rat can be faux-pharoahic egypt.(vi)<p>

i I always found it weird in DUNE that Idaho died but Paul didn't at least comment on what he should have done to avoid it, I mean he did see a future with Idaho and the remaining Atreides soldiers follwing him. I figured he saw Idaho's track record on the golden path and decided that rebellion would be inevitable.

ii Yes, Veronica=Jessica/Chani but more hipster.

iii Slightly paraprased from the book.

iv Okay so now its Veronica=Jessica/Chani/Siona.

v Hurr Hurr Hurr I bet he did in more ways than one.

vi I would like to point out that the witches were okay with incest as their plan did include Paul and Alia getting it on.


	3. GOD EMPEROR OF THE MOJAVE

GOD EMPEROR OF THE MOJAVE(even in nuclear winter)(i)(ii)

The GOD EMPEROR OF THE MOJAVE(all caps is mandatory) paused briefly to look at what was moments ago, the body of Vulpes Idaho, his head of security. Well, technically the body was a vat grown ghola coughclonecough awakened with the memories of the first Idaho, but spiritually/because I say so (iii) that is Vulpes Idaho. He pondered that this particular ghola lasted only a short while before inevitably trying to end his slightly tyrannical rule over the Mojave.

In all honesty, the assassination attempt shocked the GOD EMPEROR OF THE MOJAVE not because of the sudden but inevitable betrayal(iv), but that it was poorly planned. Really, a laser pistol? A poorly maintained second hand factory defective laser pistol? The GOD EMPE- okay to stop repeating myself, the GOD EMPEROR OF THE MOJAVE can be referred to as G.E.(v) was so offended that he immediately used his giant worm body(vi) to break every single bone in Vulpes Idaho's body. He was so mad that he did not even notice his loyal flunkie, the once dashing rebel leader with wavy blond hair turned right hand man of the G.E., Arcade A.(treides) Gannon.

Arcade, saw the body and sighed, which brought G.E. out of his reverie and ordered for another Idaho to be awakened. Great, Arcade thought, another one dead and so soon, welp, good thing the White Tleilaxu Society keeps a bunch of spare Idaho's just in case. As he began to put the tiny pieces of what was once a man with a great ass, Arcade mused on his conversation with the G.E. on the Idaho gholas.

"Hey big E!(vii) Do we really need Idaho? I mean, with the whole eugenics thing, you can literally create people better than him." The G.E. turned from the great view of the city to look at him.

The G.E. sighed and said "Arcade, we've been over this before, Idaho is, well technically was the most cunning bastard with a great ass I have ever met. I haven't found a gene for that yet."

"Well for the cunning part, you haven't." Arcade thought as he considered that he himself was the product of the eugenics program, he had the 20/20 vision, good hair (viii) and herculean physique to prove it, the glasses were just for show.(ix)

The G.E. continued "Besides, the Fish Speakers really like him, I imagine mannish eye candy is hard to come by in an all female pseudo-religious army."

"They use more than their eyes G. I think the term sex on legs or fuck toy is more appropriate." Arcade quipped.

"I seem to recall that it wasn't just the Fish Speakers indulging in some Idaho lovin." The G.E. responded.

This brought Arcade to recall the time that one of the Idaho's tried to seduce him, in order to get him to betray the G.E., all in all, it was quite fun, a few moments of "Death to the False Emperor!"(x) every day and he got to practice his betraying skills with Idaho every day, in his room, on his bed and by betray I mean sex, lots and lots of sex. It was really sad when Idaho thought it was time to overthrow the G.E. and dragged Arcade to the G.E., Arcade had to reduce Idaho into a gooey pile of radioactive ash, right in front of the G.E., who had his lulz face (:-V) directed at the both of them just for this occasion, I mean it's not like Idaho will realize that I killed him. I may have an uncontrollable urge to sprout wit and sarcasm but when I shoot people I shoot them, no talking, no time to explain but **BLAM**, well for a plasma pistol it's more of a **FIZZ**, really for a cunning bastard that was kind of a dumb plan, did he really expect the G.E. to be moved by his dramatic entrance (xi) and commit suicide by jumping out of a window? You know I don't even think G.E. jumping out of a window will kill anything, apart from anyone unfortunate enough to be hit by the G.E.

Arcade continued to muse upon these thoughts even after he finished cleaning up and began making the necessary arrangements for another ghola.

Remarks:

Hopefully this is the last last LAST time my brain tries to splice the two universes together.

i Yes, I am a weak weak man and succumbed to the wiles of this abomination of a crossover.

ii Yes, I had to sneak that in there. This is a fallout kmeme prompt after all.

iii One of the perks of godhood is being always right in everything and anything.

iv Hee hee, I know right?

v Caps still mandatory.

vi Did I forget to mention the worm thing?

vii Also an accepted abbreviation.

viii No balding.

ix And to make him look hotter.

x I really should stop, trying to include every universe I like.

xi Indeed it was, the sunlight perfectly highlighted his magnificent set of abs.


End file.
